Spiritual Parenting
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So here we are. Parents. And suddenly, our lives plunge into the lowest level of Maslow's
hierarchy. Our focus on food, sleep, clothing, shelter, etc. becomes very acute. At my old
employment, many of us had children around the same time. Some of the attorneys had to be
formula-checked before they went over to court just in case their shoulder stains gave the wrong
impression.The last time we did an issue on parenting was Summer of 2000. There are terrific articles in there that are still extremely timely. In this issue, we take another step and introduce some new and interesting twists on parenting. There are literally thousands of resources available by way of books and magazines such as Connecticut Parent, Parenting, The Parent and Grandparent Planner, Homeschooling Parent, and countless others. Even magazines such as Psychotherapy Networker are running terrific articles on parenting ("Spiritual Parenting," May-June 2004). And if you google on "parenting," watch out! The fact is, wherever we turn, there are resources, and that's very good news. These spiritual beings of ours are all so very different and unique. Do we notice that as we get caught up in the rush-rush of life, racing here, racing there, making sure our children get to sports practice on time, music lessons, girl or boy scouts, martial arts, play dates, library, social engagements, chorus, camp, and the list goes on and on. But do we ever pay very close attention to our children - out of plain, unobstructed interest? Do you ever simply sit watching your child as they watch an exciting movie? Do you notice the idiosyncractic way their eyes light up and dance, the way their tousled hair falls in their face, the way they kick their legs or slouch? Did you ever really notice your child's gait or how they move their arms as they walk? Did you ever pay close attention to the angle of your child's face as they tell you a story of excitement or the angle when they tell you a sad story? Have you noticed the way your child parts their hair, or which socks they picked out to match a certain outfit? Have you noticed the way they mix and match - or not - their clothing? And which hats or accessories they choose? Do you know their favorite bands, songs, colors, foods, clothes, stores, books, movies, sayings, and do you know what they absolutely detest? One of my favorite things is seeing what my girls come up with next. They fascinate and inspire me. They get me out of any and all boxes that say, "It must be done this way." And I am eternally grateful for that because they make the world I live and play in so much bigger. One day about 7 years ago, my girls and I were playing out in the backyard near our brook. It had rained the night before, and the grass was slick and the dirt soft. For some reason, I got very close to the bank of the brook. My foot started slipping down toward the water and I did one of those full body contortionist turns in an attempt to get back onto the stable part of the grass. Unfortunately, I began to topple backwards towards the brook. I watched my hands in slow motion grasping for the grass like a cartoon character going off a cliff. The grass could not stop me and I toppled backwards into the small brook, completely submerging myself and coming up sputtering with my mouth gaping open. My first rigid instinct was to think, "Oh my God, I'm getting filthy! This is completely unacceptable!" But my girls were absolutely hysterical with laughter, and before I could stop them, jumped into and under the water as well. At that moment, I stumbled into a new degree of freedom for myself. The fact was - who cared? This was fun! "Why not?" has now become my pet question. When I start going into a state of rigidity and judgment, my girls will ask me, "Why not, mommy?" My oldest daughter just decided to paint her bedroom black and hot pink. My first instinct was, "Woah! Wait a minute here!" But then I asked my question, "Why not?" and couldn't come up with a thing. She is very creative and the room is coming out great! As a matter of fact, we actually brought a sock into Home Depot to get just the right shade of shocking pink. And my youngest is one of the freest spirits I've ever met. They make me laugh all the time, and I'm always looking forward to what's coming next. I remember back when I was president of CHHA and my girls used to come to all the board meetings with me. At one meeting, they sat together at the head of the conference table with their heads drooping into their hands. After a couple of hours, they announced to the room, "Now we know why they call it a 'bored' meeting." My sages, my teachers, my stand-up comediennes. So find out what is holding you back, if anything, from leading a fun-filled life with your children. Let them help you change, let them help you grow, and let them help you release! Treasure them, cherish them, and always, always thank them! -Dory Dzinski |